On Being a Father

Benedict and I with Mum behind us

8th August 2010

It never ceases to amaze me that I became a father for the first time a few days short of my 51st birthday. I have to say I love the experience so far and my son, Benedict, is a rare joy. Today is Sunday and it is just the two of us together for most of the day. Luna has some friends here and they have gone into Bangkok for the day. We shall reconnect later in the day. I have a dose of the shits so was happy to stay home. By the way I am taking medicinal charcoal for my ailment, black tablets with charcoal and milk of magnesia.

Benedict is a happy little fellow. He doesn't seem to be too bothered by Luna's absence. I think this is good news for both of them as I am really more than happy to look after Benedict. In fairness he doesn't need a lot of looking after. Benedict has a few anti-social habits, bless him! He loves tissue paper and could happily spend a day pulling tissues out of their packaging and then shredding them. He also likes emptying shelves of their contents which in our case means books and CD/DVDs. He has a worrying enthusiasm for electrical wiring and likes to play with plugs.

An additional feature is Benedict is now walking and like  most things he approaches this with gusto and is learning, sometimes painfully, to avoid hazards. He really impresses me as he grabs a hold of whatever support is available to facilitate his movement. He is also a very good climber and is currently attempting to climb onto the rocking chair in our bedroom to retrieve a piece of rubber which is the object of his attention right now. He is singing an incomprehensible song and periodically his attention is caught by the cartoons on TV. In real terms Benedict is a picture of contentment.

I am really not sure what went wrong with my relationship with my father but from my perspective it was a poor relationship and it deteriorated progressively until his untimely death, aged 53, in 1978. My memories are of my father's rage and anger at me, of being hit and shouted at, in real terms of being abused, never being good enough. Now I would happily concede that these are simply my perceptions and as such could be completely off the mark.

I am very fearful my relationship with Benedict might deteriorate. I sometimes think if I knew what was wrong with the relationship I had with my own dad then I could avoid repeating it with Benedict. I hope it stays as is and indeed flourishes as I love the little man, I love everything about him, and I know he feels very comfortable around me. Long may it continue!

In real terms I get a very good deal as a father. I get these bijoux moments like today whereas the bulk of the parenting is done by Luna. I am glad she is getting a little more respite. It is a tough call being a mother, so much to do no matter how easy the child is. Luna does it very well, combining it with her work, ably assisted by our new assistant, Thong, who cares for Benedict when we are at work.

So just for the record I bathed Benedict this morning, changed him, gave him some milk and we are about to go downstairs and have some solid brunch and some more milk and then a little sleep, I hope. He's being very well behaved. Mid-afternoon we will head into Bangkok and meet up with Mum and her pals and take them to the airport for their flight back to the Philippines later tonight. Right now it is a joy being a father and Benedict is a real pleasure.