The Holy City of Pattaya

Pattaya City's raison d'être is illusion and escape from reality with the exception of the Royal British Legion. As I walked about Saturday morning at about 8.00 am I saw a proper painted sign advertising a Legion clubhouse the very presence of which in Pattaya surprised me. However the sign advertised one of the Legion's attractions as: "Top quality bull shit" with the usual wares of "cold beer" and "live football". How refreshingly honest, I thought! The Royal British Legion is a quasi-welfare agency for ex-service personnel best known for running Legions which sell cheap drink.

This is in stark contrast to the little shack "bar beer" called "Love Forever". It didn't have a board indicating that the girls working there were actually prostitutes and could be hired short ( a quickie) or long time (an overnighter)! I laughed when I saw a pretty young Thai woman wearing a T-shirt bearing the message "VIRGIN INSIDE"! Kinda cute and funny.

Pattaya was kicking over the weekend and to be honest I wasn't as repulsed by it as I feared I would be. There is an abundance of "bar beers" and clubs all over the place. Probably some pretty good sea food restaurants too. The main action is on Walking Street but bars everywhere appear to be full of "woman"; a number of these women are or were men! I think I read somewhere that Pattaya supports a population of about 12,000 prostitutes and this number increases to about 15,000 when the US Navy Pacific Fleet comes to town.

I was immediately struck not by this emphasis on "country matters" (Shakespeare, Hamlet....! NB put the emphasis on the first syllable of country!) but rather by the Russian influence on the holy city. Many of the premises are dressed with slogans in cyrillic script and a brief trip to the TOPS food court (a major Thai supermarket) Friday showed not only all the menus in Russian but a large number of middle aged Russian couples eating fish, bought and cooked in the main supermarket, along with rice and beer bought from the usual outlets.

On Walking Street a number of the premises were advertising "European girls only" and from this signage, clearly a number of the establishments were geared up for Russian men, whatever their particular needs may be. There also seemed to be quite a number of US high school age kids on the tear so to speak. Lots of neon lights and dancing girls trying to lure in the punters. We simply had a stroll late Saturday and we didn't actually go into any of the places. I am sorry to say to you I have little interest in watching the lesbian mènage à trois in the soapy jacuzzi or naked women do things with bananas and ping pong balls. I heard some of my fellow conventioneers talking about what they saw! But Walking Street was kicking and it seemed to be good natured.

A strange sight was the western men who work as security guards and police volunteers on Walking Street and some of the other establishments in the city. I am sure they provide a useful service particularily as intermediaries when things go wrong but I am not sure what the deal is here. I don't think I will be volunteering! I am sure it can get pretty scary at times. I mean it is pretty full on. The Hard Rock Hotel takes honours for its admonition to its punters: "Drugs and nuclear weapons not allowed on the premises"!

I have to say the Montien Hotel, where the convention took place, really impressed me. You could escape from all that sex stuff there. Great location, great facilities, great food and really pleasant atmosphere. Recommended if you want to have a peaceful stay in Pattaya.

So that is Pattaya City, a strange place, a sad place really, perfect for you if you want to pay to get laid, hit the juice and take a lot of drugs! If you are seeking quality bullshit then head for the British Legion! Just watch out for retired special forces who might not be in the best sort of mental health due to overuse of chemicals!